Hello 2019
Assalam, its been so long. Two years since my last post. Decided to log in to my blogpost to see if my account is not suspended yet lol. And decided to drop a few sentences. Well maybe I'll start writing again, as mind therapy.
Therapy? Am I out of my mind? At times, yes, ever since I moved to this concrete jungle 3 years ago. But then again it was my decision, so I have to gradually remind myself. It's your bloody choice sweety pie. And I guess writing is another alternative I might try to occupy my mind. Lets see how long I can last hehehe...
Where do I start. An intro of my current life in a nutshell, yes yes? Married, the reason why I left Bali 3 years ago, leaving my comfort zone, good friends, beautiful island. And it does beautiful, regret? Certain thing regretted, certain things I am grateful for. I am indonesian at heart. Had always been working in hospitality industry over the past decade, had a good career when I left Bali.
I thought I was qualified enough to apply for a decent job in this concrete jungle. Until my first year when I got many rejections, unanswered applications, unanswered results of interviews.
Never knew this part of the world is quite 'tough' to me as foreigner. Each day during my first year I would spent half day sitting in front of my laptop surfing for jobs, hundreds applications, at certain platform I even exceeded my applications quota number lol. From applying a senior position, into a decent clerk. Nothing. months passed by. My first application was an MNC company where I applied for a clerk position, I was a bloody manager dude! How pity hahaha... had few rounds of interviews, they were looking for Indonesian speaker, I was interviewed by Indonesian, I assumed she was younger than me, and I got rejected.
Fast forward, decided to accept an offer to work at an Indian international school, perhaps I was too bored at home. But I could only survive for 3 months, I am sincerely sorry my indian friends, no offence but perhaps it was just that place, had way too many unnecessary 'dramas'.
Second job was at a local company, was promised assign for such and such company, but turned out they have many side business and I ended up doing 80% an inventory jobs to quality control to taking care a clogged toilet to reminding the office tenants of parking spots, in which I hate haha.. And off course a little bit backbiting happened as I am not a local. Whatever, 8 months later I left the company. That was quite an interesting stuff happened to me.
I had accepted another job offer, but later I found out the boss was not going to be easy to please with work. And after deliberate thinking and hesitation, I turned it down. Rather than I stress myself again, right?
So then I started to ponder, why did I became to easy to stress. Is it the people, environment, high rise building, culture, system? everything plays a part. I was a sunny island person, bubbly and friendly. But coming here, people rarely smile, mostly will complaint easily if things doest meet their expectations because its the way the society taught them? At times, I cried out of reason, in the bus, in the train, because it felt suffocated. Because I felt undervalued. Because I felt left behind. I have no friends. I only know 2 neighbours next to my apartment which I rarely talk to. My cousins, we dont talk if we dont have family event. My sis in law, the only thing I remember apart from her kindness to help me out with my wedding, was her borrowing some cash whenever she needs to. It was almost a month salary. But I thought at least its to pay off what she has done to me (us).
I was feeling at lost. cried at night. been there. cant talk it out to my family. off course. they would worry to death. but then again I am never that close to my family talking random stuff. And hubby wasnt that sensitive to understand my position. I didnt expect him to.
Then I decided to take a yoga teacher training, so I went. That was a nice break and an expensive investment. At least away from my current life, curing my backpain, having few new friends, and just decompressed. I did freelancing teaching yoga back at this dungeon hole. Started my fee at bottom rate, perhaps it was too low. But for that moment I was happy as I get to meet people. I felt needed. I had reasons to go out. Later I found out, its a whirlwind of competitive field too over hear, I am green and no where would fit at fancy studios. I tried many applications (again). No luck.
I did networking in this industry, but man, full of shits! sorry for my words, some personalities I thought would be nice, as I saw super nice instagram page, but in reality they just mingle their own kinds. selfish. yes.
I tried to take another certifications. to enrich myself. It was not cheap. But alhamdulillah, i manage to survive. I landed few freelance job on my own after i listed my service on local platforms. I had two studio jobs at freelance basis. Life felt S L O W. Dont get me wrong I love the slowness, had it happen at the right place. Its getting too slow until I burry myself to watch gazillion K-J drama haha.
A year passed, I am still here. Doing this freelancing stuff. It does not pay the bill. Enough for me to survive. I am grateful though. learning to balance. Save a little tiny cash enough to make small profit, which I am going to use it to take another certification for pilates matwork. Crazy eh. Hehehe... I dont know where this path would lead me, but I think if I have few skills its enough for me to survive anywhere. Isn't it? And a little faith and lots of hardddwork lol.
Yet I am still missing having close friends surrounds me, missing ocean breeze, missing biking around, started to think what if scenario, you know, what if I did not make this choice at the first place? It was destiny, yes it is. But our choice shape up our life direction no?
But prayer and faith, and keep reminding myself, not to take things for granted. There might be no tomorrow for some people.
Therapy? Am I out of my mind? At times, yes, ever since I moved to this concrete jungle 3 years ago. But then again it was my decision, so I have to gradually remind myself. It's your bloody choice sweety pie. And I guess writing is another alternative I might try to occupy my mind. Lets see how long I can last hehehe...
Where do I start. An intro of my current life in a nutshell, yes yes? Married, the reason why I left Bali 3 years ago, leaving my comfort zone, good friends, beautiful island. And it does beautiful, regret? Certain thing regretted, certain things I am grateful for. I am indonesian at heart. Had always been working in hospitality industry over the past decade, had a good career when I left Bali.
I thought I was qualified enough to apply for a decent job in this concrete jungle. Until my first year when I got many rejections, unanswered applications, unanswered results of interviews.
Never knew this part of the world is quite 'tough' to me as foreigner. Each day during my first year I would spent half day sitting in front of my laptop surfing for jobs, hundreds applications, at certain platform I even exceeded my applications quota number lol. From applying a senior position, into a decent clerk. Nothing. months passed by. My first application was an MNC company where I applied for a clerk position, I was a bloody manager dude! How pity hahaha... had few rounds of interviews, they were looking for Indonesian speaker, I was interviewed by Indonesian, I assumed she was younger than me, and I got rejected.
Fast forward, decided to accept an offer to work at an Indian international school, perhaps I was too bored at home. But I could only survive for 3 months, I am sincerely sorry my indian friends, no offence but perhaps it was just that place, had way too many unnecessary 'dramas'.
Second job was at a local company, was promised assign for such and such company, but turned out they have many side business and I ended up doing 80% an inventory jobs to quality control to taking care a clogged toilet to reminding the office tenants of parking spots, in which I hate haha.. And off course a little bit backbiting happened as I am not a local. Whatever, 8 months later I left the company. That was quite an interesting stuff happened to me.
I had accepted another job offer, but later I found out the boss was not going to be easy to please with work. And after deliberate thinking and hesitation, I turned it down. Rather than I stress myself again, right?
So then I started to ponder, why did I became to easy to stress. Is it the people, environment, high rise building, culture, system? everything plays a part. I was a sunny island person, bubbly and friendly. But coming here, people rarely smile, mostly will complaint easily if things doest meet their expectations because its the way the society taught them? At times, I cried out of reason, in the bus, in the train, because it felt suffocated. Because I felt undervalued. Because I felt left behind. I have no friends. I only know 2 neighbours next to my apartment which I rarely talk to. My cousins, we dont talk if we dont have family event. My sis in law, the only thing I remember apart from her kindness to help me out with my wedding, was her borrowing some cash whenever she needs to. It was almost a month salary. But I thought at least its to pay off what she has done to me (us).
I was feeling at lost. cried at night. been there. cant talk it out to my family. off course. they would worry to death. but then again I am never that close to my family talking random stuff. And hubby wasnt that sensitive to understand my position. I didnt expect him to.
Then I decided to take a yoga teacher training, so I went. That was a nice break and an expensive investment. At least away from my current life, curing my backpain, having few new friends, and just decompressed. I did freelancing teaching yoga back at this dungeon hole. Started my fee at bottom rate, perhaps it was too low. But for that moment I was happy as I get to meet people. I felt needed. I had reasons to go out. Later I found out, its a whirlwind of competitive field too over hear, I am green and no where would fit at fancy studios. I tried many applications (again). No luck.
I did networking in this industry, but man, full of shits! sorry for my words, some personalities I thought would be nice, as I saw super nice instagram page, but in reality they just mingle their own kinds. selfish. yes.
I tried to take another certifications. to enrich myself. It was not cheap. But alhamdulillah, i manage to survive. I landed few freelance job on my own after i listed my service on local platforms. I had two studio jobs at freelance basis. Life felt S L O W. Dont get me wrong I love the slowness, had it happen at the right place. Its getting too slow until I burry myself to watch gazillion K-J drama haha.
A year passed, I am still here. Doing this freelancing stuff. It does not pay the bill. Enough for me to survive. I am grateful though. learning to balance. Save a little tiny cash enough to make small profit, which I am going to use it to take another certification for pilates matwork. Crazy eh. Hehehe... I dont know where this path would lead me, but I think if I have few skills its enough for me to survive anywhere. Isn't it? And a little faith and lots of hardddwork lol.
Yet I am still missing having close friends surrounds me, missing ocean breeze, missing biking around, started to think what if scenario, you know, what if I did not make this choice at the first place? It was destiny, yes it is. But our choice shape up our life direction no?
But prayer and faith, and keep reminding myself, not to take things for granted. There might be no tomorrow for some people.
Comments
Post a Comment